choosing the path.....summed up the obsession

FINALLY GOT MY CHOOSEN BRANCH AT AIIMS
after so much haslles and lot of mind boggling leaving all branches i made a list of branches in the order i could do them rather than the order i'l get them so it was PSYCHIATRY-DERM-PATH-PSM,and finally i got waht i wanted and what i think is apt for me the branch i had initial interst in but was running here n there i 've fianlly taken up MD PSYCHIATRY AT AIIMS leaving all eye surgery n all n resigning orthopaedics at kg ,feel quite comfortable now, session starts 1st of july,only sad news being nobody gets hostel in aiims before 6 months,howewver feeling satisfied now.in psychitric assessment in medical examination the psychiatrist was amused when i answered the animal i identify myself with,i said it's goat.who thnks a lot sometimesand at orther times is just jumping around,let's see what i get more here.
Posted by adi... at 6:09 AM 1 comments Links to this post
Thursday, June 5, 2008

little self realisation..leaving orthopaedics
now this is perhaps the most crucial junction of my career life.i did work for 5 days at trauma centre KGMC as junior resident ,the work is tooo hectic,not exactly due to large no. of patients but due to unnecessary working conditions,in 5 days i lived like an animal.the HOD himslef said "this is a jail"-indeed it was,u have to keep standing 24 hours n if u get time u can sleep at the max for 1 hour a day that to if u r lucky,however i have no prob with sleep n standing, n the condition doesn't really improve till 3 years,as i saw JR-3,it was unnecesarily hectic based on the consultants bloated up notion that"we produce the best orthos in whole world"-crap, however i'm not leaving it becoz of these things but becoz i have seen the work,i have no interest in cutting and all, i think i dont hae any interst in gross surgery,i can't devote my whole life to something like that, i have come back don know what i'l do next till now,really worried(a lil depressed also to see that one thing in the world i cannot do),so till now i learnt i have no interest in medicine as well as in surgery let's see what i choose.worried alot after getting all idon't really know waht suits me,evrybody thinks of me as a fool -leaving KGMC orthopaedics,the mudit khanna college,but really i can't live in surgery i don' know waht to do now-till now with all conflicts i'm thinkg of taking up psychiatry in aiims even if i get ophthalmics,coz that's again fine surgery,i'm deadi know leving everything and then preparing again will not help coz i already have ranks to get almost all what will i do next time nobody knows,i'l have to chose now
Posted by adi... at 8:10 AM 1 comments Links to this post
Wednesday, May 28, 2008

MY selection in AIIMS..perhaps the greatest dilemma of my life till now
now it's 4 o clock 'm at home and am not able to sleep coz 'm too confused now,so much so that i feel like dying..after so much mind boggling i had decided to take ortho at a good institute(KGMC) n then suddenly this selection happened when i din even preapre fr this perhaps nobody wud believe that i did 8 hrs chatting per day in last fr month always online mode statrted learning guitar(i play crap) n wasted all my time n jus 15 days before exam i took some books and jus saw the questions i marked(very few) in formality and feeling it like burden n gave exam jus by my logic jus going by what my heart says n i got a rank 26 in aiims, i don know how it also happend in bhu is it some miracle or what i don know but it has left me in gratest confusion of my life.and evrybdy is asking how do u study, yar i waste my time to the fullest watch all the movies and always chatting and waste all my time on gadgets will that help anybdy.I always wanted to be at a pioneer institute jus fr the sake of it being pioneer, kgmu was perfect anyways and i picked up ortho not at all by choice but because of trend n checking "is evrybody happy",now getting selected in aiims out of the blue i won't get ortho there(jus one seat sure to go at earliest ranks),'m not at all intrstd in medicinal branches except psychiatry,but i may get my all time favourite psychiatry as well as my best conventional choice ophtha but now fr psychiatry evrybdy says "do u have the aptitude" i don know how to check that, n ophtha will u take it in frnt of ortho when u don have a background in ophtha- i feel why not, nobody really answers me, is it some blind trend or what i don know, they say setup is costly ,i don know if that's enuf to deter somebdy frm making his own choice.and if out of the blue i take(if i get) a 6 yr course Mch(superspecialisation) neurosurgery i don know why it is famous fr suicides in aiims and only few daring souls take it and will i be compelled to commit that(well till now 'm quite sure i'l not),all that has made me a deadly confused person i really feel like dying it seems by getting ranks 'm getting an oprtnity to mess up my life totally,and the plight is nobody can really help me but me myself.congrats adi-do hell with it buddy congrats fr what? well i'l surely write here when i take it and let's see whether i mess up my life or what.